Wednesday, December 28, 2005

As my days on holiday shorten
My thoughts continue to darken
They turn to what I must face
I cannot keep pace
I wish not to go back
Courage is what I lack
I do not wish to tell you passed
How I was harassed
Yet mother I must
For you I trust
I know you love him
But the truth is dim
You must know it
As I fight the bit
I know I must tell you
What is true
That your love did something
That I would wish on no other human being
He did not do the worst
Yet my bubble he did burst
I could never hate him
I am not that dim
But I must finally tell
I hope you won't yell
Those moments I never hoped to relive
He held me captive
In heart and mind I am hurt
But I do not wish for comfort
I just wanted it to dissapear
Those thoughts never to come near
Yet everynight I can't sleep
Fearing what will creep
Into my dreams and haunt me
I just wanted to be left be

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Images on the edges of my vision
Clarity my only mission
I don't know why I did this
I offer you no bliss
I had to see if it would work
I can't see through this murk
I do not know what my future is
But I like the word tis

~Breezy (just ramblings, running out of inspiration)

Saturday, December 24, 2005

You may push me around
But you cannot win
You may throw me down
But I'll rise again
The more you say
The more I defy you
So get out of my face
You cannot stop us
You cannot bring us down
Never give up
We go on and on
You'll never break us
Never bring us down
We are alive!
The wind blows
I'll lean into the wind
My anger grows
I'll use it to win
The more you say
The more I defy you
So get out of my way
All my will
All my strength
Rip it out
Start again
You cannot stop us
You cannot bring us down
Never give up
We go on and on
You'll never break us
Never bring us down
We are alive!
Can you leave it all behind?
Can you leave it all behind?
Cause you can't go back
You can't go back
~The Offspring

Friday, December 23, 2005

As I watched those people walk by
In my thoughts I could not lie
I had never felt this lost
I had forgotten the final cost
Of leading on this life
Of never finishing that strife
Yet here I stand, untouched
My heart so valiantly clutched
I hadn't thought of the consequence
Of the sequence of events
The heartache such thoughts would cause
Only now do I pause
After what will be done is planned
Thoughts so grand
Yet now that it shall finally happen
Maybe its just fiction
All these plans and thoughts
Could be imaginary slipknots
Yet how do I know
Im not at a low
Yet completely oblivious
To the obvious
That were I am lain
I am completely insane

Monday, December 19, 2005

I will not lie
All I wanted was to die
Now I have realized
I was immobilized
For I never knew to love
Until I met you my dove
I used to do things you never knew
You never knew who I slew
Now my only wish is to live
Hopefully you will forgive
My temporary lapse in judgement
And when my heart was absent
Because I owe my life to you
Hopefully I will always be true

Saturday, December 17, 2005

I Swear

The wind is whispering
The rising moon
Puts a spell on my heart
Under stars-twinkling high above
When i close my eyes
We're dancin' into the flame
I won't spend
Finally comes time to decide
Stuck here in the same old bind
Ill be there
By the moon and the stars in the sky
Like a shadow that's by your side
I swear

Thursday, December 15, 2005

I want to tell you yes
But I am such a mess
I hold you dear
But I just can't let you near
For fear I'll hurt you
That I couldn't be true
I am so confused
I feel so used
I know everyday the pain gets worse
I've gone through that course
But I just can't bring myself
To take you off your shelf
I truly want to give what you wish
But I don't want to be selfish
And hurt you as badly as I fear
I cannot let you near
Because thats the only result of this alliance
So I shall, for now, keep my distance


Wednesday, December 14, 2005

I feel so lost
I forgot the cost
Of living this life
Of solving this strife
I thought I wouldn't be caught
I thought I had been taught
Never to become confused
Always know what needed to be used
To never lose track of the goal
Never let battle take its toll
I was taught to never be found
Yet here I lie on the ground
Your sword upon my throat
I had been taught to never gloat
Yet I couldn't resist
Gave into the deadly tempest
Let information leak
Gave it a little tweak
Yet still you hesitated
Knowing I had been blooded
Because you had let emotions factor
Let me pierce your armor
Now i had you in my web
Knowing you were dead
Only a fraction of a second
Passed before I embedded
My knife hilt deep
The blood began to seep
As you fell into the snow
Nobody shall know
That it is I who did it
It is I who threw the hit
I killed you
I was never true
Yet in killing you
I killed myself


Saturday, December 10, 2005

In this cage I stay
Never a thought to say
I can never leave
This burden I heave
I will never be free
For I want to be left be
I can not stand alone
But none is known
Who could lift this weight
It is to late
For me to be free
I shall be caged for eternity
This you an not change
I am out of range
No longer shall I bother
Of this I am sure

~Breezy (no idea where this came from...)

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

I trusted you
Then this you do
For a first I am scared
I feel so impaired
I can't even sleep
Afraid you will creep
Into my room you will come
And I will become a victim
I fear to fall into sleep to deep
For I fear you shall leap
And take my innocence
Remove my essence
I shall become a hollow shell
Nothing more to tell
You have become my first fear
For you have made my life unclear


Friday, November 25, 2005

You all tried to help me
You wouldn't leave me be
Now I think of what would have come
If what I wanted was done
From up above I would watch
As they lit that single match
I would scream when it hit the straw
My mother with feelings so raw
Would watch as the pyre got higher
Those tears would never tire
As my beloved flames destroyed all that was me
I realize what would be
If I did what I threatened
A life would have ended
A flicker of life forever gone
Never able belong
Now I leave you in doubt
What was this written about
Was it about a life ending
Or a life beginning


Thursday, November 24, 2005

Every night I sneak out
Each time by a different route
I do it just to see you
Because you are always true
Night by night my infatuation grows
Yet still nobody knows
You brought me back
Kept me on this track
Every night I just stare into you
Only me and you knew
Those nights when you are hidden from view
My heart throbs for just a glimpse of you
I shall see you soon
For you are the moon


Tuesday, November 15, 2005

You tell me no,
I wish for yes,
You don’t want to bring pain,
You wish for what’s best,
I day-dream, think, and wonder all about you,
I truly don’t know how I’d live without you,
Me and my dad, we get into fights,
But it’s the thought of you
that keeps me going through these nights,
You don’t understand how I feel, or maybe you do,
My point is, I Love You
I dream of the day that you’ll say yes,
I can’t believe I’m getting this off my chest,
The pain you would impart wouldn’t be bad,
No I wouldn’t like it, but eventually I shouldn’t be sad
We would still be friends, nothing more,
My heart wouldn’t be screaming, crying, and sore,
These are my emotions, believe it or not,
Please don’t leave this world,
You’re all that I’ve got.

Today I saw you again
I couldn't hold it in
I walked to a window
I was back to my low
As I watched the snow fall
I realized I had lost it all
I'll never return to normal
I was always so formal
Only once did you see me cry
Those tears could not lie
Yet even more continue to fall
I sit waiting patiently for your call
You have never left my thoughts
I barely hold back these onslaughts
Of powerful raw emotion
For my heart you have stolen
I will always love you
For you I will always be true


Sunday, November 13, 2005

You say you'll do anything
That your heart is aching
I don't want to hurt you
I could never be true
Yet you still want me
How could that be
I warn you just to stay away
Before you mislay
That which is most important
Do not wish for what isn't present
My only wish is to disappear
Its your pain that I fear
Do not hold me dear
For I do not wish to be held


Wednesday, November 09, 2005

I can't take it anymore
I just wanna walk through that door
I try to hide within my own head
But I am always brought back with dread
A rubber room seems so appealing to me
I wish you would all just leave me be
Everyday I go through my classes
Always reminded of these gashes
Nobody realized I hurt so much
Nobody knew I had lost touch
My dreams are becoming more real
My body barely able to feel
Life is becoming less belivable
Every day more trivial
Why can't I just end it
My feelings so hard to admit
My mind is getting more blurry
Dreams becoming more bloody
I barely make it home
Its like im moving through foam
I am rarely able to sleep
I believe things like to creep
Im going to lose my mind
Reality harder to find


Sunday, November 06, 2005

I used to slit my wrists
My hands always in fists
Now you have brought me back
You have brought back what i lack

I would do anything for you
For you I am true
All you need to do is ask
For you i would labor on any task

I count the many seconds
For you my heart beckons
I was so close to letting go
I had never sunk so low

Then you came along
And showed me that i was wrong
For you I stepped back
Away from that fatal track

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

You caught me when I was falling
You saved me when I was dying
Now its time to pay you back
I was ready to crack

You told me the sweetest things
For me they held meanings
You helped me pick up the pieces
When all I could think of were corpses

I crawled into a hole and wouldn't leave
You made me want to believe
That there were better people
You made life o so simple

You gave me your love
And held me like a dove
I owe you my love


Friday, October 28, 2005

Into my hole I go
Never have I felt so low
Life so complicated
I've never felt less solid
This pain is so strong
I can't hold on for long
I try to distance myself
Before I hurt myself
I cry whenever I see your face
Yet in this crawlspace
I can not live without you
This pain so fresh and new
Everyday it gets harder
To pull back from the dagger
Day by day I grow weak
Life seems so bleak
I look around my new home
Soon it will become my tomb
These walls are closing in
I am dying within

(please comment)

Thursday, October 27, 2005

This pain is unbearable
I feel so horrible
I wanna crawl into a hole
And lose my soul

My passion is gone
I am withdrawn
Im stuck in my dream
I just wanna scream

Yet you have been there
All through this nightmare
You have waited patiently
Acted so lovingly

Yet until now I haven't realized
What has been waiting to suprise
You have always been there
Wanting to help me repair

I have realized I don't deserve
One so unreserved
You are way to kind
I have lost my mind


Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Who knew so little information
Could cause so much frustration
How it could shatter an innocent heart
But thats just the start

This tiny piece of knowledge
Has pushed me to the edge
It has caused me so much pain
It has kept me in the rain

It has caused me so much agony
My mind is outside my body
I cannot stand to be in my life
That is why I resort to a knife

Knowing the truth is the best
But it has caused me unrest
This truth I cannot deny
Even though I try

The truth is I cannot have you
It has been proven true
So I will collect the pieces
And eat my reeses.


Saturday, October 08, 2005

I stand alone in the rain
Waiting, Wishing, Crying
Wanting to relieve this pain
Will my heart ever stop aching
You took my heart without knowing
Its your choice what to do with it
While I stand here dieing
It took me so long to admit
I would die for you
That I would give anything
If only you to prove im true
I have stopped breathing
Just waiting for you to decide
What you will do with my heart
Will you throw it aside
And rip it apart
Or will you hold it dearly
And bring me out of the rain
Will you let me see clearly
And relieve this pain?

Tuesday, October 04, 2005


I think of all the years
I have been closed-up
Shed all these tears
With this wall builtup

Then you came along
And stole my heart
The wall had been up so long
And you ripped it apart

That wall was taken down
Stone by stone it fell
I thought I was gunna drown
In all these emotions gushing in

They attacked me from all sides
Making me wanna scream, cry
They ripped apart my insides
They made me wanna die

But I kept pushing on
Day by day becoming stronger
Waiting for the dawn
When I would wait no longer

Saturday, September 24, 2005

How am I to prove to you
That this isn't just a temporary infatuation
That my feelings are true
It took me awhile to make this realization

That'd I do anything for you
Theres no line I would not cross
To prove that im not untrue
Because im at a loss

Why would you believe
That what I say is only temporary
That I can never achieve
This feeling of pure happy

Im willing to wait forever
And do anything and whatever
Until I have you in my arms
And can protect you from harm

Saturday, September 17, 2005

My World

Its kinda lonely here
All by my lonesome self
I just wish someone would appear
and say 'hey can I come in?'
But i can't just invite someone
They'd have to be trustworthy
And my trust isn't easily won
Things like that get people locked up
And i don't want a rubber room
No matter how comfortable it is
To become my lonesome tomb
So i sit silently waiting, anticipating
The day when someone will come
But till then ill be waiting, wishing
And listening to my voice echo
In this hollow darkness
Eating my bowl of jell-o


Monday, September 12, 2005


It is impossible for me to rest,
I hate to have to worry this much,
I can hardly be expected to act my best.
I don't know what will become of you,
What am I to do but sit and wait,
Will you be yourself or be something new?
How am I functioning with all this weight
All these worrys assualt me,
Some my mind makes up as bait.
I never like to feel gloomy,
Its against my original nature
I love to be hyper and active
But I don't know what lies in the future,
I've never felt so much like a captive.
Im trapped by my own worry
Im losing my own stature


Wednesday, September 07, 2005


Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness
I need to calulate what creates this madness
The urges are getting stronger
Grasping my defense is harder
I need to get away
To keep this at bay
All this sadness
Is fueling my madness
Ill just grab the knife
And settle this strife
One day I'll just let loose
And tighten the noose
Day by day it gets worse
Closer comes my hearse



Watching you, from afar
Trying to reach out to you.
My bloody hands come forward
But you seem some far away
I run after you
You just run away
Into the darkness I fall
Being consumed, by what’s around me
I scream out in total fear
I wallow up in my own self pity,
Because you are just out of my reach,
Because, you’ll never be mine.


I hate the ones that fake their hurting,
They act all emotionally fucked,
They scratch their wrist and say its cut,
Say they’re so screwed up,

But if they actually had a problem,
I know they couldn’t cope,
Maybe I should help them,
Put the slip into the rope,

I could pull the chair out from underneath them,
Or finish their fake little letter,
Maybe I could kill their friends,
Just to teach them better,

They act all misunderstood,
Like they are so hard done by,
They act like no one could,
Be better then them,

But one day they’ll fall,
And they will crash and burn,
They’ll see that they aren’t all,
It’s the only way they’ll learn.

Monday, August 29, 2005

War of Nothing

The unmistakable sound
Of bodies hitting the ground
Genocide through suicide
Heads held high, full of pride
Another 50 dead in the street
Blood gushing from heads to feet
What can we do? Run as fast as we can?
Or should we drop a nuke on Iran?
Nothing we do will ever succeed
Sitting at home, waiting to bleed
It's a crazy situation where no one wins a fight
Blowing the shit out of us is the terrorists delight
They don't even have a worthy cause
They're just fucked up in the head
They never bothered to stop or pause
To think am I better off dead
So what the fuck do they want?
To forever tarnish the name of Islam?
If Allah was real I'm sure he'd be saying
You're in shit now boys it's no use praying
What is it they think they achieve?
In what fucking God do they believe?
Our time on earth is limited
Why waste it all getting dead
I'm not a hippy dancing with flowers
I don't believe in global superpowers
You know something
This is a war of nothing
I don't care if you blow yourself up
As long as your kind is all that dies
If you hate this world why don't you fuck off!
And leave your corpses to the flies
Now I dub thee a cunt
Nothing more than a piece of junk
You consider yourself a fucking martyr
But I know your not because I'm smarter
Ideals changing as fast as the seasons
Killing us all without any reasons
Feeding off our prolonged misery
To you it must feel heavenly
Alas, those assholes are winning the war
Invisible enemies whom we can't ignore
Why did I have to grow up in generation hate
Can I save the world before it's too late?

Happy Ending

now you know im not pretending
there is such thing as a happy ending
dont think it will come now
because it wont anyhow
because this isnt the end
and im not going to pretend
it may not happen to you
because of the things you do
you have cuts all over your skin
and you wont let anyone in
just because you are going through pain
and it seems its happening all over again
this happens to other people too
it doesnt only happen to you
ill tell you what the other people do
they talk to people to help them through
i have no one i hear you say
yes you do so give that thought away
you have me, your parents and the yellow pages
psychiatrists have been there for ages
waiting by the phone for your call
so they can help you through it all
and these people arent pretending
they are hear to help you get your happy ending

Thursday, August 25, 2005


The world, it broke my heart today
When I saw the things that people do and heard the things they say
All of the people who are living on the streets
The babies found in garbage cans, wrapped up in bloody sheets
How could we let our world end up this way?
And I know tomorrow isn't bringing a better day
Our government is so corrupt, we need to take a stand
They keep raising taxes in hopes they will possess our land
So many men and women have died for our country
So we could have equal rights, so that we could live free
So many people have come here hoping to find a better living
But discrimination and poverty is all that America was giving
They came here dreaming of beautiful cities and open meadows
But they were put to harsh labor and made to live in filthy ghettos
And this was so long ago; things have only deteriorated
Society has only gotten worse. Life is so complicated
Gangs are constantly at war with each other
Taking more loved ones from their families and their mother
Drug dealers on every corner selling death and comatose
Addicts concerned with nothing more then getting the next dose
There's no room left in jail, rapists are living in our community
And there's so much more behind the scenes, the things that we don't see
Kids are bringing guns to school, killing each other over religion and race
Teenagers are having babies, or dropping out, this generation has become a disgrace
Drinking and driving, experimenting with pills and cocaine
Anything to have a good time, or stop the anger and the pain
It seems we do anything in our power to cause some controversy
And we're in denial about what we have come to be

My Rising Sun

Rolling off the sunset,
Flowing with the sands.
Living life the fullest,
With emptiness in hands.

Raised upon the promise,
That someone guards my soul.
But after this last hour,
I wonder where to go.

The sun has set upon my face,
And left me in the night.
And in this darkest moment,
He comes and shines so bright.

The weight across my shoulders,
Could crush the average man.
But I contain the one thing,
And with love I withstand.

Always they’re within me,
Never far from sight.
He is what I live for,
He carries me through night.

Nothing that I ever do,
Could equal what he’s done.
All I have is my love for him,
He is my rising sun.

Day By Day

You don't know how I feel
Oblivious to the fact
Never knowing the truth
Everyday I gather courage
One day I will tell you
When I have the guts
I just don't want to confirm
That you'll never love me back
So day by day I gather Courage
Hopefully I will one day tell you
I love you


Saturday, August 06, 2005

Empty Promises

I will forgive but I won't forget
You know you've lost my respect
You better watch out
Cause I'm not a pawn
For you to use in your fucking game
I've got dignity and pride
Your troubled and you let me down
I'm not deaf to all your empty promises

Sunday, July 24, 2005


I'm so sorry
I didn't mean to be so cold
I should have Thought
About how you would feel
I should have never done it
I screwed everything up
All I ask from you is
To not hate me
and give me a second chance


Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Small Towns

Every day I walk down those halls
I plaster that smile on my face
Act like nothing is wrong
laugh at the jokes
take the insults
but at home I lose it
take it out on my pillows
I wonder why I agreed
chose to leave the safety
to go to a small town
when I had been warned
about the cliques
the rumors
adults say small towns are the best
everybody knows everybody
low crime rate
prices are lower
well its not the best
rumors burn like wildfire
they hate new people
they hide it behind fake truths
act like your friend
when they backstab you
bring your secrets to the enemy
who spreads a rumor
and the other involved says its true
then you get labeled
for something you never did
well fuck the labels
they aren't right
they never were
and now I know
Small towns aren't the best



How sweet your innocence
the world has yet to corrupt you
heart so clean and pure
yet to be sullied by the world
how i wish to hold and protect you
from the evils in the world
but there are to many
I can't hold them off
so they come seeking your purity
and day by day
corrupting you
stealing your innocence


Friday, July 08, 2005


You take away
I feel the same
You take away
I feel the same
All the promises you made to me you made in vain
I lost myself inside your tainted smile again
Cause you can't feel my ANGER
You can't feel my pain
You can't feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring you pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again
I feel betrayed
Stuck in your ways
And you rip me apart
With the brutal things you say
I can't deal with shit anymore
I just look away
Cause you can't feel my ANGER
You can't feel my pain
You can't feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they bring only pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again
You take away
I feel the same
All these promises
You promised only pain
If you take away
And leave me with nothing again
'Cause you can't feel my ANGER
You can't feel my pain
You can't feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring you pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again
You will feel my anger
You will feel my pain
You will feel my torment
Driving you insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring you pain
You won't take away
I'll be whole again


I hate you

Fuck you
You've lost your light
Now I hate you
You are lost to me
Now I know why
The voices in my head told me no
How they warned me to stay away
Now I'll I have to say is,
Fuck you
I hate you
I hope I never see you again


Monday, June 27, 2005

Seize the Day

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then
And now we are busy, tired men
Tired of playing a foolish game
Tired of trying to make a name
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.
Because when you decide that it is the right time it might
be too late.
Seize the day. Never have regrets.

~Unknown, I got it in an email

Friday, June 24, 2005

Taking a break

Im taking a break, im devoting all my creative talent to my novel so I won't be posting any poems for awhile. Although I might post one, im working on one and i might finish it, but it'll be awhile till I post another poem. If you're wondering about my novel i just started working on it and i have lots of work to do, though if you want to read some of it once i get the first few chapters done just ask. If you're also wondering what genre it is its going to be Medieval Fantasy, I like the fourteenth century and if you have a problem with it........BRING IT ON BEOTCH!

Tuesday, June 21, 2005


I shouldn't have thought I had a chance,
I shouldn't have given in, I should have said no.
I wouldn't be like this right now, if I had
I don't want you to feel guilty,
I don't want you to feel sorry,
I just want you to know,
I would have jumped off a bridge for you,
If you had asked I would of done anything.
Yet you can't help what you feel.
I just want you to know,
You crushed me.

~ Breezy


I stare as the birds come and go,
I wish I could just spread my wings and fly.
Just lift off the ground, leave the choices,
decisions and all the worries behind.
Just lay back on the clouds and drift,
never to return to the earth,
just float and be entirely happy for once.
But that'll never happen,
I'll never fly,
or drift,
or float.
I won't point a finger,
or say a name,
but you know who you are.
The person sitting on my wings.

~ Breezy (comment please)

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Bullets ~ Creed

Walking around I hear the earth seeking relief
I’m trying to find a reason to liveBut the mindless clutter my path
Oh these thorns in my side
I know I have something free
I have something so aliveI
think they shoot ‘cause they want it

I feel forces all around me
Come on raise your head
Those who hide behind the shadows
Live with all that’s dead

Look at me…look at me
At least look at me when you shoot a bullet
through my head
Through my head
Through my head
Through my head

In my lifetime when I’m disgraced
By jealousy and lies
I laugh aloud ‘cause my life
Has gotten inside someone else’s mind

Look at me…look at me
At least look at me when you shoot a bullet through my head
Through my head
Through my head
Through my head

Hey all I want is what’s real
Something I touch and can feel
I’ll hold it close and never let it go
Said why... why do we live life
With all this hate inside
I’ll give it away 'cause I don't want it no more
Please help me find a place
Somewhere far away I'll go and you’ll
never see me again.

Don't Stop Dancing ~ Creed

At times life is wicked and I just can’t see the light
A silver lining sometimes isn’t enough
To make some wrongs seem right
Whatever life brings
I’ve been through everything
And now I’m on my knees again
But I know I must go on
Although I hurt I must be strong
Because inside I know that many feel this way

Children don’t stop dancing
Believe you can fly

At times life’s unfair and you know it’s plain to see
Hey God I know I’m just a dot in this world
Have you forgot about me?
Whatever life brings
I’ve been through everything
And now I’m on my knees again

But I know I must go on
Although I hurt I must be strong
Because inside I know that many feel this way
Am I hiding in the shadows?
Forget the pain and forget the sorrows
But I know I must go on
Although I hurt I must be strong
Because inside I know that many feel this way

Children don’t stop dancing
Believe you can flyAway…away

Am I hiding in the shadows?
Are we hiding in the shadows?

I don't know

I don't know what to do,
its all so confusing.
One minute you're easy to understand,
the next i can't understand a thing about you.
You said you wanted just to be friends,
now you want more.
Why make me so confused,
when all i can say is,
I don't know...


Friday, June 17, 2005


Ducks are happy
I am happy,
I wanna kiss a duck,
They are so cute.
their legs look like crutches,
and they like to fly,
i wanna fly,
Mommy can I fly?

This is one of my very few happy poems...guess when i wrote this...

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

I Want...

I want to let it all go and never have to feel this ever again,
I hate you all you make me want to kill my self
and never get up just to see that ugly sun every day.
I want to go to my world of black and belonging.
To see faces that show the look of "I am accepted" and will not be judge or pushed aside.
I want you all dead you caused this pain that breaths inside my chest,
It is so bad i can no longer hold it in
It wants out and to hurt you all.
Make you all go through the same misery I had to face.
I wake evey morining with the same look on my face
I had told you all loud and clear that i was never happy but
None of you took the time to listen or take a look.
You all want me just to sit there and not say a word and listen to these petty little problems. Well at least you all have some one to love you or care about you
Or at lest pretend i have nothing you all ignore me.
Never say a word or use a phone i hate you all i want you all dead to get away from me
And never come back.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Should I...?

She was my friend,
She was my ear,
She was the shoulder I leaned on.
That all changed,
when the Witch came around,
took her choice and refused the rest.
I was shoved away, insulted beyond measure
yet my 'friend' didn't do a thing,
she sat there,
laughed at the Witch's jokes,
looked away when she insulted me,
until I couldn't take it anymore.
I walked away.
And now my 'friend' wants forgiveness,
to come back,
to try to repair the damage,
yet its beyond repair.
She grabs her tape and glue,
yet i am beyond repair,
she tore me to pieces,
ripped out my heart,
and put it on display.
Yet she dares to ask for forgiveness,
Shall I dare give it to her....



I hate you because I met you and even became friends with you.
I hate you because when I actually got to know you, I started to like you.
And when I told you, you said you liked me too.
I hate you because we got together and got even closer.
I hate you because we found out that we loved each other.
And when I thought it was too good to be true,
I thought we were going to last and get it through.
Now I’ve told you why I hate you, now,
I just wanted to let you know,
I hate myself more for losing you.

~Mae-Belle Ombao


I dont close eyes now he might just attack
As I look to the front he may pounce on my back
oh no i can sense him, i can tell he is seeing
every move i make, i know he is beaming
laughing, plotting, i know what he wants
hes been after this, its blood that he wants
dark slits for eyes and a gash for a mouth
he might use my body for his next housemangled face,
yet features so clear draw a slight breath, but still he will hear
he'll draw from me life, i am his host, like a parasite, unnoticed by most
I dont let my guard down, not for a second
carelessness, to him i've just beckoned
he smells me and tastes me he feeds off my fear
miles away, so quick, now hes here
you may think im crazy, but you are just dumb
hey, he doesnt want you...i am the one.



You ripped my heart out,
Put it on display
for everyone to see.
I cried at night.
Did you know?
Did you care?
I cut my wrists.
You didn't care.
You didn't know.
I asked for kindness.
But you gave me only evilness.
Now I sit in a dark spot,
alone forever more.
I cry,
I cut,
I hurt,
I suffer.
I wish I could make it go away,
But I can't.
I suffer and feel the pain now
For the rest of eternity...



it started as a fling,
but then changed into something more,
3 hearts are now broken,
2 hearts now torn,
some tears fell,
and someone sighed,
wishing it was different,
as he looked into my eyes,
telling me it can't go on,
many mistakes were made,
saddness fell upon me,
guilt fell on him,
before there was a choice,
now there is none.


Once Again

Raindrops fallen like broken tears
Breaking the ground away.
Bleeding like pain threw out the years,
Again, life takes another way.

A crisom of an unwanted hope
That seeks the truest, begotten meaning.
Dwindling, twisted like a rope,
Dieing here, while night away, dreaming.

The meaning to feel alive
But only to feel dead.
The wanting to go and strive,
Not to be, from things said.

A horror that is only to be realized,
A mystery only to be found.
The pain and memories from your lies
As once again, life circles around.



I feel my heart pounding
I walk closer
I feel the knife in my hand
He’s only a few feet away
There is sweat dripping down his face
I feel my heart beating faster than I’ve ever felt it beat
I want to take this man's life
I want to scream
I want to run,
I want to ask what drove me to this
He’s so close right now that I can feel his breath on my face
I think about where to stab him
He knows what I'm going to do
I walk behind him
I close my eyes as I stab him in the heart
I can feel his pain
Blood is rushing over my hand
I’m getting light headed
He's bleeding to death
I let him fall to the concrete
As I walk away I hear him say something
I can’t hear him very well
But he said something about being sorry


Who cares?

Im feeling down today
And i cried last night I cant go on this way
but im to weak to but up
a fight.
I cant stand up im afraid...
of all of my fears..
I sit alone
today but who the hell cares?
I want to die today..but its not
ur problem. I have so many and
dont expect you to solve them
Even when it comes down on me
and is to much to bare. I slowly sink down...but who the hell cares?
if asked how im doing by people
when passed i say im doing just fine.
They dont care but why ask do people
love lying?Im just another empty soul
who's growing cold
that always goes without.
That walks around this fucking globe
who noone cares about


Bad Thoughts

I have bad thoughts,
thoughts i shouldnt be thinking.
i need help...
i think,im afraid to ask though.
i think about people,and hurting them.
different ways of killing,
and torturing without getting caught.
running every scenario,
checking all possible evidence.
i sometimes....
most of the time...
think,think about hurting myself
.i think that i must punish myself for thinking these thoughts.
i need to...
i want to...
i have to cut,
as a punishment and stress reliever.
i think these thoughts,
but refuse to act.
after thinking,
i think about who would be hurt if i hurt,
parents would miss them.
i couldnt do that to somebody,
its just not me.
im thinking these thoughts wherever,i
n a car,
at school,
i hate yet love thinking these thoughts.


His Kisses

all over me like a nail dropping in a mute room
or the silence of a funeral...
with nothing but a women crying
are his kisses
dragging me to this safe place in my sorry i must depart
for these kisses in which i crave..
ill be lying here in this grave with poision all over my lips.....
his kisses helped me live..
i long for them
i long for him to hold me tight every night in this misserable world....
im just a girl
and i need to be safe....
his kisses...
help me stay.....



As I proceed through my day
Through the ups and the downs
I talk to my friends
and to my enemies
My happiness flickers,
my sorrow hides,
my hatred is always shown
but what is truly alive
and always will be
is my rage
it gleams through my happiness
it gleams through my sorrow
my hatred infuses with my rage
making me all the madder
i stomp around
i hurt others,
physically and emotionally,
but i don't care, they should have known
the rage that lurks inside,
controls my actions,
makes me extreme
causes pain,
always and forever,
it will reign


He said...

he said he loved me....
he said without me he could live and couldnt be....
he said i love you but i love your friend more.......
he said i wanna close our door................
he said please dont be sad...........
he said i have things to say but i dont wanna add...
he said why cant you understand i dont want you...
he said i want your friend more.............
he said i love her............
he said i wanna open mine and her door........
he said bye, i hope your still friends with your friend after this..............
he said sorry but your not the one i miss.............
he said to the girl after he left her in the cold rainy darkness of the outside world........


Trust Me

you want to stay away
if your smart at all
please dont get in volved
i am your downfall
i am your saddest smile
your weakest alaby
the dead end of your miles
an envelope full of lies
your happy now, dont ruin that
it might be all you need
like a cheshire cat
off your confusion i feed
there one minute full
the next only a stripe
stand there baffled until
my stupid smile you swipe
the truth got you nowhere
until it was too late
maybe now you'll listen
i am not your fate
i am your recipricol
every image in your head of me
is fully fictional
dont let me ruin you
as i have ruined myself
put me back into my box
and slide me into my 6 foot shelf
walk away forget
it really is that easy
walk away close your eyes
its for the best
trust me


Pain of Love

If you really love someone
even though they might not love you anymore,
but the worst thing is that when you think about all the special times
you have spent with that someone
it brings you nothing but pain,
when you think about them not loving you back anymore.......



My blood boils with anger and passion
Because I try so hard to be your friend.
I promised I’d be there from the beginning to the end,
But I can’t stay here, like this, in this way
Because when I talk, you don’t hear me say
How much you mean to me,
But that I’m in the middle of misery.
From the start I’ve been wrong.
From the start I thought I was strong.
From my words, to my actions,
You’ve shown no reactions.
I’m here, but you don’t see me
You know I’m here, but you can’t reach me.
We’ve grown apart, and it’s hard to tell you,
That the person I once knew,
Can’t possibly be you.
You’ve changed, and you’ve grown,
But now it’s time for you to go on, on your own.
Don’t cry, don’t be sad
Please don’t turn away and get mad.
Don’t think it’s easy for me either,
Because without you I wouldn’t be here.
It’s not easy, it’s so very hard to do,
Because everything I’ve ever done, was for you.
You think this is a big deal,
But don’t worry it will heal.
You have so many other friends, just like me.
That will be there for you, just like me.
And what kind of friend would I be...
If I took all of you, just for me?


Love Me

I've done all I can.
I've said those three words.
I turn and I ran
Like a scared little bird.
You read that note,That note I wrote,
That one that I
Slipped in your coat.
I walked away
With more to say
That I couldn't get out
Even if I'd stayed.
You intimidate me
With your beautiful face.
You stole my heart
As it began to race.
But there's
More to touch, more to see,
More to taste, hear and feel
My words:
Love Me.



I had the knife, held my breath
should I choose life, should I choose death
I dropped it on the floor, screaming at myself
I ran for the door, thinking of something else
A specific person was on my mind
A very good person, that’s so very kind
I won’t say a name, or point a finger
But them a blame, for me being here
Without them, I’d be goneWithout them, I’d have done something wrong
I was in denial, I thought it would help
And for a while, it’s just how I felt.


Broken Wings

Walking away From what i know
Licking my wounds
Searching for a reason
To keep pushing my way through.
I must stay optimistic
I will not let myself fall
But like a broken lullaby
I feel worthless and insignificant.
Savaged heart and torn out love
Painting a picture seen in only my head
Trying to convey meaning
With no avail
But turning nothing into something
Isn't impossible.
I'll still sing to you
I'll still laugh with you
I'll still stand by you
And I'll still lean on you,
Because right now i have broken wings.



K, this is a bunch of poems either i wrote or came across. I will be sure to put the author at the bottom, don't worry I'm not a theif