Bad Thoughts

I have bad thoughts,
thoughts i shouldnt be thinking.
i need help...
i think,im afraid to ask though.
i think about people,and hurting them.
different ways of killing,
kidnapping,
and torturing without getting caught.
running every scenario,
checking all possible evidence.
i sometimes....
most of the time...
think,think about hurting myself
.i think that i must punish myself for thinking these thoughts.
i need to...
i want to...
i have to cut,
as a punishment and stress reliever.
i think these thoughts,
but refuse to act.
after thinking,
i think about who would be hurt if i hurt,
parents would miss them.
i couldnt do that to somebody,
its just not me.
im thinking these thoughts wherever,i
n a car,
at school,
alone,
shopping,
wherever.
i hate yet love thinking these thoughts.

~Breezy