Whats kept me going lately

they're in order of how the last few weeks have gone and how i've changed so yeah
Blood to Bleed - Rise Against
Learning to Breathe - Switchfoot
I'm Still Here - Vertical Horizon
I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace
Break My Fall - Breaking Benjamin
Always - Saliva
Gone Forever - Three Days Grace

These ones just give me a little strength.

Empty Promises - Papa Roach
Concrete Angel - Martina McBride
Broken Home - Papa Roach
One Last Breath - Creed

if i think of any others ill post them
listen to those if you wanna understand
who i am right now

Now of course a poem =]
Tell me what you thinky


I loved you heart and soul
Never knew the ending toll
I thought our love was forever
But now I regret my endeavor

I have never felt this cold before
It was my very being that you tore
I have no clue where to go what to feel
I can't hold myself together to begin to deal

My friends and those I left to rot
This is the tragedy that I bought
You all supported me and saw this through
All that you said made me realize what to do

Getting back to normal was a task
Help was needed but never could I ask
Lifted myself back up and stood
Managed what strength I could

Saved by an angel hidden by grief
All I needed was his stone hard belief
The life I owe to him is the my own
Never again will I ever be so alone

They were all right and I was wrong
I don't need you all I need is song
Stronger still I don't need anyone
Now I see I have just begun

<3 Revelin [Brya]

Hope

Still hurting, everynight crying myself to sleep
Hope emerges, and we're in it together, deep
Everyone saying just to move on and stop crying
That I never loved him I'm just lying

Adrift in a dark sea nowhere to go nowhere to turn
Hoping to god that numbness makes a return
Only six months to bear until I might be free
To move on and live, to truly enjoy to be

On the distant horizon of year's end
I see my haven, someone love might send
But can I last until the day I leave
Maybe possibly I just need to believe

Brya
Idk where it came from but there it is.

New Drawing

It started with just getting tipsy
Then open the bag lets have a looksy
Smokin the green
A whole new scene
Breathe in deep then pass the pipe
Really doesn't stand up to all the hype
Change the song
Pass the bong
Lay back count the dots in the sky
No one keeping track of the time passin by
Oh shit got the munchies
Chips are all the crunchies
Just one more hit then I'm done

Poppin pills everything spinnin again
Hitting anything to numb the pain
New night New Fight
Doing everything in sight

Now on to the medication
Depressents and the stimulation
Nyquil Tylenol
Seen them all
PCP got your legs all jelly
Sit look whats on the telly
Rip em open
Counting again
Its adding up now all the pills
Not keeping with the usual thrills
Add a dose
Up your nose

Poppin pills everything spinnin again
Hitting anything to numb the pain
New night New Fight
Doing everything in sight

Now its getting all hardcore
Losing cash gotta get some more
Now your sure
Got the pure
Coke Crack got thewhite stuff
One gram two gram it ain't enough
Tweakin out
Gotta shout
Line after line have 'em all straight
Razorblade on glass a sound to hate
More to hit
8balls the shit
Just one more line then I'm done

Poppin pills everything spinnin again
Hitting anything to numb the pain
New night New Fight
Doing everything in sight

Now its getting serious cash flow
Dropping acid everything going slow
Drip Drip
Drop
Hallucinating blue cows chewing your toes
The walls are closing in no one knows
Sounds loud
Bleeding cloud
Moving cars going in another lane
Wanna touchy I'm slowly going insane
Desperation
Drug nation

Poppin pills everything spinnin again
Hitting anything to numb the pain
New night New Fight
Doing everything in sight

Had it with all the come downs
One last high then no more frowns
Take it all
No one to call
One last word to any who care to look
Writing messy, barely legible, hands shook
Only one bridge
On the ledge
Cars passing below noises are unbearable
The trip here long complicated understandable
Lean forward
Move toward
The cars are closing in yellow lines visible
The world is cold and painful barely liveble
Nothing said
Now I'm dead


Brya

Everything Has Gone Away

What to do, nothing to say
Everything has gone away
Nothing left to do but hope
Someone doesn't pull the rope

Stuck inside nowhere to turn
Never had the chance to learn
Black and white now muddled gray
Who knew the price one would pay

Choices flying by no time to decide
Everything connected Everything tied
No one to run too nowhere to hide
Now nobody is there by your side

Scared of the future Scared to die
Couldn't take it Couldn't cry
Gave in Gave up Too much to take
Now only one decision left to make

Black or White Life or Death
Whether or not to take another breath
Nothing to do What to say
Everything has gone away

♥ Brya ♥

Real Me

Theres too much to say in so
LITTLE TIME
It may already too late to
SAVE ME
Questions gone unanswered have me
LOST
Of my stubborn uniqueness
VICTIM
I may be as the real me is seen
NEVER
Forget my words precious to only
YOU

Assimilation and Conformity were never
MY THING
Its you choice to be a worthless
CLONE
I can't be who you want me
TO BE
Accept or Reject and see the real me
FRIEND

Both of you want me to become
YOU
Its obvious I am the complete
OPPOSITE
I cant be who you want me
TO BE
So just accept me and see the real me
SISTERS

You don't care about my
LIFE
Until it disrupts your humble
PERFECTION
The good is never seen only the
FUCK UPS
I can't be who you want me
TO BE
So look harder and see the real me
FATHER

You hide things to keep me
PROTECTED
What I need is to know the
TRUTH
Of who you really believe and
TRUST
I can't be who you want me

TO BE

So let go and see the real me
MOTHER

Never did you accept me
AS IS
Always trying to change who
I AM
Its up to you what happens
NOW
I can't be who you want me
TO BE
So decide and see the real me
LOVE

So many of you pulling trying to
CHANGE ME
I already chose who I want
TO BECOME
You have no clue as to who
YOU ARE
So you try to make me something
LIKE YOU
That you might find a clue as to what
DIRECTION
You need to go to find
YOURSELF
I can't be someone to control like a
PUPPET
Stop trying to change the
REAL ME

~*The Lady Sinner*~

Choose

What do you do when your life stands still
Where you can do nothing, no matter how great your will
When you turn around to look way back when
To time when you were happy again

To a time when your cares were far behind
And for you, misfortune was hard to find.
When you could give a sigh of relief
Because the last thing you ever gave thought to was grief

How does it look as you stare down the trail
That was filled with hopes that you’d think never fail
But now you have come to different place
Where happiness is naught but a scarce trace

Has the world turned its back upon you for no reason
Has the world committed an emotional treason
Why would such misfortune befall you so fast
And why wont the new good memories last?

Remember the times between you and I
How does it feel to move on and say bye?
It may be you don’t want to move onward on track
But you’re pushed on by others who wont let you back

Well I am still here, standing right in your sight
And I sure as hell wont stand here and give up the fight
I stood by through worse, and I wont give up now
I’ll fight tooth and nail and hopefully, somehow

I will eventually succeed, but I cant do it myself
I need you to take a firm stand and help
You have to defy what you no isn’t right
And I will agree with you each day and night

For I know that this is matters too much to me
To have it be removed completely, you see
So now is the chance, do you want to keep going
Into new wilderness, without help nor knowing

So now what happens, which way do you choose
Because no matter the choice, somebody will lose
But remember that road with the memories we’ve had
And I always was there, through good and through bad

And now when I need you more now than ever
Our friendship is tearing and soon will be severed
So now that you know that life isn’t going to wait
It wont wait for your lingering fears to abate

It’s going to continue so you must go on
But hopefully you’ll see what’s been there all along
What do you do when all you need is a friend
Well remember I'm here, and I will ‘til the end.

Because of you

Ice chills my heart making me stone
I blame you for all that I go through
If you had just controlled youself I would be fine
You still have yet to learn what happens

You're why I hurt, Why I am so empty
Why my head whispers insanity
I only wish for you to bear what I have
Only when you've felt everything disappear

Nothings left but anger fear and voices whispering
Because you had no control, Because you didn't learn
You have no idea what a mess you made
What you've caused, you just blame others

Because of you my head whispers insanity
Because of you, Because of you
Nothings the same, no more innocence
Because of you hell is on earth
Because of you my head whispers insanity
Because of you, Because of you...

~YBB~

Always and Never

Beaten. Broken. Black.
What is hurting can I ever live again
Always beaten no light no belief till I die
It'll never perish never disappear never depart
Until Im dead and gone Until I no longer feel

Heartbroken. Hopeless. Hurting.
When will I hope wish or believe
Always pushing no hope no faith till I die
It'll never lighten never disperse never leave
Until Im dead and gone Until I can no longer feel

Cold. Conquered. Crushed.
Why did it begin, why can't I remember
Always was no beginning no end till I die
It'll never cease never give up never merciful
Until Im dead and gone Until I can no longer feel

Destroyed. Demolished. Desecrated.
Who deserves this pain, this emptiness
Always did always will always till I die
It'll never stop never slow down never relent
Until Im dead and gone Until I can no longer feel

~YBB~

Some of us live life peaceful
Others take what they don't
Some of us live the high road
Others pay for the luxury
Some of us smile without thought
Others only smile when the worst has passed


Why is the world so divided?
Why must one person be higher?
Why do we all think wealth is a sign of integrity?
When those with wealth don't give a shit about us.
When they think we're worse then dirt,
When we didn't hurt others to gain luxury.
Why must people scorn others so they aren't?
Why are people so hurtful to those that are less blessed?


Some of us live life peaceful
Others take what they don't
Some of us live the high road
Others pay for the luxury
Some of us smile without thought
Others only smile when the worst has passed


Why are we judged by our heritage?
Why must new life be frowned upon?
Why is youth considered so insignificant?
When so much potential is inside.
Why are we urged to gain individuality,
When we are all herded together.
So they can decide whether we should be allowed a chance?
Why are we given so many false pretenses,
When we are so young, so malleable.


Some of us live life peaceful
Others take what they don't
Some of us live the high road
Others pay for the luxury
Some of us smile without thought
Others only smile when the worst has passed...


~YBB~
My first attempt at lyrics...

Lies

Everyday I see all you liars
Acting like you have such a bad life
All of you such accomplished actors
Claiming you actually use a knife

When the time comes for the truth
To finally be known you just lie again
Yet again showing your youth
When you fall, what then?

As your world falls to pieces
And you lose what you lied for
Then come all the dramas
Will you just lie some more?

I was once you then I fell
Lost the one thing I loved
Then finally I heard the bell
Then I finally got shoved

Finally I got a clue about my lies
What are they worth to you
When everything you hold dear dies
And you realize this is true?

I warned you and if you don't listen
I will laugh when you fall
By now you have chosen
If you will listen at all

But remember I was once you
Then it all fell and died
Remember this is true
Hopefully you will abide

~Breezy

I cried myself to sleep last night

Finally realizing you were right

I could never handle this

Missing everything possible to miss

I miss it all way too much

I am beginning to lose touch

He says I will never come back

Knowledge is what he lacks

He can not hold me here

Away from what I hold dear

I will escape this prison

Just wait till i make the decision

At first I hated it

Always fought the bit

Then I fond theatre

Now I will not deter

I promise you now

Today I make a vow

I will gain what I lack

I will come back

~Breezy

That first sight took my heart
Shot through me like a dart
The expanse of beautiful blue
Knowing you're always true

If only to see you again
Multiply the pain by ten
Most people never feel this
This eternal bliss

You are my only love
You are my dove
You are the ocean

~Breezy (excuse the briefness)

I feel so lost

Can't handle the cost

Closer comes insanity

Losing the tranquility

I can clearly remember

It all started in december

Somebody said the wrong thing

I wish I could stop being

I want to dissappear

Not have anyone be near

Just let go and fall

Be able to forget it all

I hold onto the ledge

Almost over the edge

Staring into that dark well

Where insanity and I will dwell

I shouldn't have spoken

Then that edge wouldn't beckon

I didn't see any other way

What else could I say?

~Breezy

Im on the verge of falling

What I will do theres no telling

If you take me away

I will die that day

I won't let you do anymore

I am already so sore

If you even dare to try

I will only sigh

And say this is the day

Im going to make you pay

I will only stare and snicker

As I pull that trigger

No one will be able to stop me

You just wait and see

I will make you bleed

Don't start what you can't lead

~Breezy

Everyday you see me
Not knowing what has come to be
Those of you who know
Seeing I had lost my glow

I act like nothing is wrong
Acting so headstrong
You never see the real me
The one that hates to be

I hide the self that wants to cry
The one that can only deny
That anything is up
All these emotions are going to erupt

Yet I hold it together
I can hardly bear
To go to school
I use it as a rule

Nobody ever sees
When I break my boundries
When I can't hold it back
When I can't keep track

I can't keep it together
My sanity has become looser
I can't keep hold of reality
Im inching towards insanity

Yet sometimes I feel
It'd be easier to deal
If I was surrounded by rubber walls
Stuck in mindless thrall

~Breezy

As my days on holiday shorten

My thoughts continue to darken

They turn to what I must face

I cannot keep pace

I wish not to go back

Courage is what I lack

I do not wish to tell you passed

How I was harassed

Yet mother I must

For you I trust

I know you love him

But the truth is dim

You must know it

As I fight the bit

I know I must tell you

What is true

That your love did something

That I would wish on no other human being

He did not do the worst

Yet my bubble he did burst

I could never hate him

I am not that dim

But I must finally tell

I hope you won't yell

Those moments I never hoped to relive

He held me captive

In heart and mind I am hurt

But I do not wish for comfort

I just wanted it to dissapear

Those thoughts never to come near

Yet everynight I can't sleep

Fearing what will creep

Into my dreams and haunt me

I just wanted to be left be

~Breezy

Images on the edges of my vision
Clarity my only mission
I don't know why I did this
I offer you no bliss
I had to see if it would work
I can't see through this murk
I do not know what my future is
But I like the word tis

~Breezy (just ramblings, running out of inspiration)

You may push me around

But you cannot win

You may throw me down

But I'll rise again

The more you say

The more I defy you

So get out of my face

You cannot stop us

You cannot bring us down

Never give up

We go on and on

You'll never break us

Never bring us down

We are alive!

The wind blows

I'll lean into the wind

My anger grows

I'll use it to win

The more you say

The more I defy you

So get out of my way

All my will

All my strength

Rip it out

Start again

You cannot stop us
You cannot bring us down
Never give up
We go on and on
You'll never break us
Never bring us down
We are alive!

Can you leave it all behind?

Can you leave it all behind?

Cause you can't go back

You can't go back

~The Offspring

As I watched those people walk by

In my thoughts I could not lie

I had never felt this lost

I had forgotten the final cost

Of leading on this life

Of never finishing that strife

Yet here I stand, untouched

My heart so valiantly clutched

I hadn't thought of the consequence

Of the sequence of events

The heartache such thoughts would cause

Only now do I pause

After what will be done is planned

Thoughts so grand

Yet now that it shall finally happen

Maybe its just fiction

All these plans and thoughts

Could be imaginary slipknots

Yet how do I know

Im not at a low

Yet completely oblivious

To the obvious

That were I am lain

I am completely insane

~Breezy